Accept, Let Go & Move Forward

Life is like an ocean. Sometimes the waves crawl gently to the shore, sometimes the waves oscillate with gushing strength. Sometimes the waves come spilling, sometimes the waves come surging. All of us have gone through slumps in life. We’ve encountered failures and challenges, whether it’s small or big. The question is have you come to peace with your past? Or are you still living in denial, regret, and resentment, thinking about how it could’ve been if you did something differently?

High and low cycles are what makes our lives interesting. There are times when everything goes smoothly and flourish; there are times when everything becomes stagnant and you feel as if you’re not achieving anything; there are also times when everything goes badly, and your lives get thrown off the rails. Always remember the law of impermanence. Nothing lasts forever, it either changes or ends. Good times will end just like how bad times shall past. Acknowledging that bad time will past gives you the strength to keep going.

We all have been in situations when we wish we have acted differently. We all have said something that we wished we didn’t say. The sad truth is that things cannot be undone, and words cannot be unsaid. Instead of blaming ourselves, we should accept it and move forward. It is through acceptance that we find solace. It is through acceptance that those concealed opportunities within every adversity are manifested. The opportunities will only open when you’re no longer trapped inside the cycle of denial.

When things go wrong, it’s normal to feel defeated, disappointed and discouraged. You’d sit around day after day mulling over the failures and unfortunate circumstances. However, ruminating over it day after day will only cause more pain and suffering. Beating yourself up over and over about every little thing will not magically make everything better. Clinging on to a situation the way it once was, or the way you wished it had been serves no purpose except drawing more unhappiness and blocking real change.

So, how do we get out of the war with ourselves? Acceptance. Accept what has happened and honour the transition away from what's gone or what's passed to something new. Don’t blame yourself but rather learn how to make peace with yourself. Give yourself flexibility and more room to grow. Take as long as you need to concede your feelings and come to terms with it instead of burying these negative feelings in an attempt to show the world that you're strong. Having feelings doesn’t make you a weaker person. Denying these negative emotions will only make you experience deeper and more prolonged negative emotions in the future. There is no answer to how long you should take to get out of agony, some people take days; some people take years. So, take it at your own pace, accept them completely to relinquish the past.

It is hard to let go of something. We tend to hold on to the past because our minds are conditioned to seek familiarity. We are unwilling to let go of the past because both good and bad experiences have played a part in shaping our identities. However, if you keep holding on to anger, condemnation, pain and resentment, you’re just strengthening a false sense of self, you will suffer. For example, you were once an excellent scholar, but because you didn’t achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself, you start to devalue yourself and feel less deserving. You start to doubt yourself because you think you are not as accomplished as you used to be. The truth is that you are not less intelligent, just because you had recognisable stunning accomplishments in the past doesn't make you less of a person when you aren’t doing as well at this moment. Every stage of life is different, you go through different things and are exposed to various challenges. We’re constantly focusing on our failures because our minds are set to amplify on things we couldn’t achieve. We neglected our efforts in unfolding the challenges that we face every day; we didn’t give ourselves credits for going through those bumpy roads because we deem them as normal, as what we were supposed to do.

It's hard to leave the past behind because shame keeps us small and afraid to move forward. When we failed to do something that we’re supposed to do, we feel less worthy. When we can’t live up the ideal that we have for ourselves, we feel incompetent. When we failed to accomplish a goal, we feel hopeless and disappointed at ourselves. We are more afraid to take on opportunities that are offered to us, more afraid to voice out our opinions because we have a deep fear of being wronged, being belittled again. When we lose something or someone, we’d start to think whether we will find something else or someone else that will make us feel the way they did. Remember that it's over, we have learned something valuable from all of the significant events and people in our lives, even if they didn't work out the way you thought they would.

You can’t be the best all the time, but you can try to be your best all the time. Sometimes the best isn’t going to be the picture you painted in your head.

As long as you’re making an identity for yourself out of pain, you are subconsciously sabotaging every chance you have to move forward and living the present. If you don’t let go, you won’t have full access to what your future beholds. Letting go and moving forward is daunting because it forces you to be in unfamiliar territory. It tears you from the familiarity of your past and makes you face an uncertain future. Regardless of how difficult it is to find closure, you have to let go of the past and make room for new possibilities to arise, for new transformations to happen. If you were meant to pursue in a certain career, you will be in that field someday in the future. If that person is meant to be in your life, someday they will be in your life again. If that isn’t meant to be in your life, then something much better is on its way. Letting go opens you to new possibilities. Don’t hold grudges, you are just closing opportunities that may present themselves. The only way to move forward is to choose to put yourself first, live a life that you love and let go of the things that don’t bring you joy. The past is now a shadow, and it’s time for you to bask in the light of your freedom. Seize the moment and use the present to ensure a better future for yourself.

“The truth is that the only power is the power of your presence. You are responsible for yourself; the past cannot prevail against the power of now.” — Eckhart Tolle

Treat every adversity as an opportunity. Some things are beyond our control, but we're always in charge of how we respond to these circumstances. Just like poker, some people are luckier and get dealt with better cards than others. Players with a great set of cards have higher chances of winning the game but ultimately the winner is determined by the choices each player makes in the game. When we get dealt with terrible cards, the first thought that comes to our mind is “Ugh, there’s no way I can possibly win this game” but that’s not necessarily true. People who consistently make the best choices and are courageous enough to take risks are the ones who eventually come out ahead in power. Remember, luck is involved but it doesn’t dictate the long-term success. Look at challenges as if you’ve chosen them. The more you take accountability for your life, the more strength you'll acquire to solving your problems and improving your life situation. So, think about what you can do to make your current situation better and take one step at a time.

Growth is an endlessly iterative process. When we learn something new. We don’t go from wrong to right. We go from wrong to slightly wrong. And then we go from slightly wrong to slightly less wrong than that and then to even less wrong than that. Nothing is perfect. Don’t try to pursue the phantom of an ideal life as an answer to your problems or a means of feeling fulfilled. Learn to embrace ambiguity and uncertainties in life. Be patient with yourself, keep going even when it gets tiring, exhausting and absolutely excruciating. Remember that all your effort doesn't just disappear, they're operating behind the unseen curtain of purity.

“Start embracing the life that is calling you. Find your calling. Know what sparks the light in you so you — in your own way — can illuminate the world” — Oprah Winfrey

Thank you so much for reading. This piece is for some of you who could be going through a rough patch and maybe you can relate, I hope it helps you the way it has helped me. Sending virtual hugs to y'all :)