Be At Peace With Yourself

At some point or other, there’ll be a devil nagging us in the back of our minds asking us questions like “What are you doing with your life?”, “Are you doing enough?”, “Is this what you want?” etc. The habit of ruminating or mulling over negative thoughts isn’t always an easy one to kick. We always feel inadequate and less than others.

The Comparison Game

We always compare ourselves to others no matter how hard we try not to. It is human nature to see how we measure up to someone else, no matter how much or how little we have in common. That’s simply because we’re surrounded with so many amazing people, we’re showered with other people’s great accomplishments and we wish to be as successful as they are. What we don’t acknowledge enough is that everybody leads a different life, and everybody walks a different path. A lot of times, we are not seeing the full picture of someone’s life. Everybody has their highs and lows and as perfect as their lives may seem to you, they too are probably comparing themselves to someone else, wishing they could be living another person’s life.

Traditionally and culturally, we are made to believe that the only path to success is either law, medicine or engineering. If you are not in these fields, you’re not smart enough. Sometimes I feel ashamed of myself because I think my degree is not as challenging as what my friends are doing. Hence, I felt the urgency to do as much as I could, the pressure to always be busy. No matter how much I have on my plate, I always think whatever I’m doing is insufficient and there’s always more I think I could or should be doing. I remember juggling between 3 part-time jobs during my summer because I was trying to do more to compensate for my less prestigious degree. The truth is there are so many jobs in the world that are highly valuable and profitable, the world cannot survive with only these 3 professions. Don’t devalue yourself just because you’re not pursuing a degree in law, medicine or engineering. Comparing yourself to another person with a background that isn’t relevant to you is like comparing apples to oranges. It’s not constructive and it just makes you feel miserable and defeated. Give yourself credit, you know you’ve done plenty, don’t overwhelm yourself even more by adding more stress on your already heavy shoulders. Take the break you deserve.

"Don’t compare your situation to somebody else’s. you’re not running their race. You’re running your own race." -Joel Osteen

The Self-doubt Game

Maybe you thought you’d be further ahead in life than you are right now, maybe you have this picture painted in the back of your head of how your life should be. Just because you are not where you thought you would be, you start to doubt yourself, you start to think that perhaps you’re deteriorating, perhaps you’re not as capable as you thought.

We constantly hold ourselves back from doing the things we believe would bring true meaning and purpose into our lives because there’s this constant fear that we’re not good enough. We always overthink because we want to avoid failures at all costs, we want to avoid making mistakes. Shut off that pesky voice in your head, channel all your energy into doing something, trying something. Sometimes when you don’t feel like doing something, do it. Don’t listen to your feelings. We won’t always feel like it anyway. We got to push ourselves to do things that we don’t like sometimes, stepping out of our comfort zone to discover our talents. If you don’t try, you don’t know your potential. Like the famous saying, fake it till you make it. It’s when you’re uncomfortable, but you face it with the strength. You do it regardless, then you become more comfortable and eventually this particular thing is no longer included in your list of uncomfortable things.

Take accountability for your thoughts and emotions, believe that you are capable of reaching your goals and you will end up where you want to be one day. Remind yourself that everything you’re doing now, every step you’re taking will contribute to your growth and success in the future. No matter how small or how big, every step is worthwhile. Don’t try to find the answers to everything, focus on what you can do NOW. Less thinking, more doing. We won’t know what the right decision is until we’ve taken action. Better an oops than a what if, right?

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Fear of Disappointing Our Parents

I believe many students studying abroad can relate to this. The fear of disappointing our parents, the fear of wasting our parents’ money and accomplish nothing in the end. We always feel the need to be successful as quickly as possible, the need to get a stable income and give back to our parents and make them proud. We always feel that there’s no excuse to not doing well because if our parents are capable to succeed despite the lacking in resources and difficult situation back in their days, so can we especially when we are privileged enough to be sent abroad to further our studies. It is not until recently that I was told that feeling this “baggage” is silly, we cannot compare to our parents because our generation is different from theirs. Yes, they were indeed brought up in a more limited environment which has also propelled them to become stronger and do everything they could to get out of their unfortunate situation. We should use them as inspirations to succeed but we shouldn’t feel less of ourselves and put unnecessary stress on ourselves. A wise adult said this to me: “Ask any parent what they want most for their child, and the answer is almost always the same – happiness.”

Step away from seeking answers and let them come to you because they will unfold themselves when the time is right. Be patient, trust the process and embrace your progress. When we’re wishing that things were different, we’re missing out on the little joys right in front of our eyes. Although I haven’t mastered the art of being at peace with myself completely, I am definitely at a much better place where I’m content with who I am, who I was, what I have and situations that I couldn’t change. I hope this post can help you take some pressure off yourself and give yourself some breathing room. Also, want to remind you that you’re capable of extraordinary :)

"Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching satisfaction." -Erich Fromm