Steering My Way Through Life

Last year, I started this blog feeling lost. I started blogging to keep tabs on my progress and document my life and experiences as I go through my changing twenties. Today, I’m ending my last blog in 2020, feeling pretty much the same, the brain is foggy and riddled with indecisions. I feel like I’m going everywhere but, simultaneously nowhere at the same time, it seems like there's no way out.

Feeling lost is horrendous, that lack of fulfilment in life, that desolation to the soul and that undirected mind. If you’re feeling the same, I hope you know that you're not alone. Let us continue to carry on the faith and look for that spark of hope in this coming year. Remember everything is temporary, and everything will fall into place eventually.

Here are the six main mindsets that I intend to ingrain into my life in 2021, and maybe this might be helpful to you too.

1. Take Action Despite Fear and Being Consistent

Do it even if you don’t feel like it. Do it even if you feel like you’re not ready. The main reason we're holding ourselves back from taking an action is that we're afraid of uncertainties. We're afraid to do something that we've never done before because we're scared of messing it up, we're scared that this one mistake might take away and erase all our accomplishments in the past. We're afraid to take that leap because the outcome is uncertain. Successful people always know how to stretch their boundaries and step out of their comfort zone, this is how they improve and become better. To grow and push past a certain boundary, you have to take the risk, you have to be willing to act despite fear. It's not easy, but the more you practice stepping out of your comfort zone, the better you get at taking action despite your fear. Act despite fear. You'll learn whether you have made the right decision or not, and you can course-correct if necessary. We're allowed to detour, to rethink our paths, to question our strategies and to change our minds.

When you say you're going to do something, are you going to do it? Are you going to follow through and finish it? Consistency is something I struggle with. I tend to lose momentum and give up halfway especially if I don't notice any changes. Success doesn't happen overnight. We have to be patient and commit for the long term. Don't let the obstacles along the way distract you. Be resilient and persevere through until you reach the end. Every little step is adding up and building something greater. Every little step we take contributes to our growth and success. Everything in life is built on tiny little actions. No matter how significant or insignificant you think they're – they're worthwhile and they'll be put to good use one day.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.”– Mark Twain

1. Change perspectives

It’s easy to get stuck in a negative thought loop especially when you’re facing difficulties and challenges in life. Sometimes, your life will not go as planned and you'll not always get what you want. You’re clueless as to how you can escape from this mind trap. You feel frustrated because you're not improving. You feel like you don't belong anywhere. You're disheartened. You feel like you’re embarking on an empty journey that isn’t going to lead you to fulfilment. You feel apprehensive about your future, the future seems bleak. In times like this, you must be aware of how negative thinking and negative talking will only reinforce the negative thoughts. The more you think about what's distressing you over and over again, the more difficult it is to break free from that prison. Therefore, try looking at it from a different perspective. By changing perspective and accepting that things don't always go as plan, you'll become like a deep lake. The surface of the lake is sometimes calm, sometimes windy and rough depending on the cycles and seasons. Deep down, however, the lake is always undisturbed. You're the whole lake, not just the surface and you're in touch with your depth which remains still. You don’t resist change by mentally clinging to any situation. Being lost, not knowing exactly what the path is means you have the freedom and choice to welcome more opportunities. You have the space to accept new possibilities. Sometimes rejections mean you deserve something better, something more compatible to you.

The beginning of adulthood always look like a mess because it's unpredictable, but that's what makes life special. Our journey of embracing uncertainties and failures, our attempts in untangling the knots, and our effort pushing through the fork and turns in life. These are what makes life an adventure. A very interesting metaphor that I picked up through listening to AsianBossGirl’s podcast with the founder of Jubilee media is that watermelon plant is deprived of water to encourage ripening of the fruit and make the flesh sweeter and more flavourful. When you feel helpless and hopeless, recognise that this feeling you’re enduring is an important part of your journey to success. You have to fight through this battle to become fruitful. Honour this process. One day in the future, when you look back and reminisce the past, you'll realise on the route of being lost, you magically found yourself. How can you find yourself if you have never been lost?

"Everything seems impossible until it's done. Successful people leverage habits to their advantage, they build positive habits to automate their growth. "

2. Be accountable for your life. Challenge yourself and push yourself.

As much as I always say you have to be kind to yourself and turn off that hypercritical voice inside your head. It's equally important to push yourself to discover new talents and reach a new height, unleash that hidden inner strength inside you. I think one of the core reasons I love to be solo and do things solo is because I fear of being dependent on someone. I feel the urgency to build my foundation as sturdy as possible so if anything happens, I know I’m capable of solving it on my own and I won’t get swayed so easily. As harsh as it seems, this is the reality of life. Nobody will help you; nobody will save you. You're on your own. Hence, you should be the person taking responsibilities of your life, taking ownership of your failures, shortfalls and problems. Be accountable for all the hurdles in life and find solutions to overcome them. Frankly, there’s no free lunch in this world. If you want something, you have to put in the effort to get it. You have to work to get money, you have to study to get knowledge, you have to communicate to build a network. You can’t possibly just sit there and do nothing, hoping and waiting for everything to be given and handed to you.

There’s no doubt that we all want things to happen according to plan and everything to be perfect. Unfortunately, failures are inevitable. Take the lessons and grow from them. Trust that everything happens for a reason. Step back take your time to heal, ponder on what the failure has taught you. No one likes to make mistakes which is why we try our best to avoid them at all costs. We seek advice and opinions from others to assist us in making rational decisions. Seeking advice and opinions are good. However, we should only take other people's opinions with a grain of salt. The ultimate decision should be made by you. Seeking other people's opinions is a type of avoidance tactic, we don't want to take responsibility for ourselves. Success doesn't come easy. Successful people have paid their success tax to get to where they're today. They jumped through hurdles and overcome tons of challenges. It’s impossible to get what you have without going through what you had to go through. To propel yourself forward, you have to be accountable, confront yourself and take full responsibilities for your actions and decisions. Take on the wheels, you’re in charge.

"There is no end, only new beginnings. It may take a while for you to see the whole silver lining but when things come to an end, perhaps it's time for better things to happen."

3. Trust yourself and be confident in your decisions and choices

When we look at successful people in life, we automatically admire and respect them. We wish that we're as confident as them and we hope to become as successful as they are one day in the future. Like I mentioned previously, this is your life. You're on your team. Therefore, you have to trust yourself that you're more than competent to chase after and achieve your dreams. You have to let go of that fear of failing, that fear of disappointing others, that fear of being judged by others. Otherwise, you'll just stay at that same place, forever admiring and looking up to them, never ready to go after your ambition. Be confident in your abilities, beliefs and decisions. This will lighten the weight you carry on your shoulder. A lot of decisions we make are based on some norm set by society, set by your family and friends. The reason we give up on things halfway is that we weren’t entirely clear about the reasoning behind our actions and perhaps because we were just trying to live up to the expectations, to prove to others, not yourself. Trust yourself that you know what is best for you, listen to your inner voice by muting the unnecessary noises that are clouding your thoughts. Have faith that you have infinite riches within your reach. There is a powerful storehouse of incredible knowledge, phenomenal strength and remarkable love within you, waiting for you to reveal and extract them to live a fulfilled and glorious life. Even if you aren't where you thought you'd be right now, this isn't your final destination. you may feel defeated but you need to believe that you'll end up where you need to be. It’s just a matter of time, be patient.

“Those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly.”– John F. Kennedy

4. Networking and meeting new people

I enjoy meeting new people and talking to different people. I find it very interesting to converse with people with different views and perspectives. Meeting new people has helped me in rationalizing situations and has inspired me, how they started their business, the struggles they've overcome and how they tackle their problems amazed me. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, our movement has been restricted and we're forced to stay at home. Thankfully, I had the opportunity to meet new people and build new friendships earlier this year. It all started by chatting about similar interests, agreeing to one outing which leads to another. This year, I have started to reach out to people via email and social media, discussing similar topics and talking about things I was curious about. It doesn't take much of an effort to strike a conversation with a stranger when I was solo travelling, but I find it rather difficult to do it here in Malaysia. Perhaps it's because of the more conservative culture here? Perhaps it's because I feel like we're all connected by mutual friends, we all know each other and maybe the idea of that scares me because I feel like I have to live up to the expectation. But, yeah I'm trying to push myself more, to step out of my comfort zone as well as to connect with more people in this coming year. I believe an interconnected support system is extremely valuable.

"Successful people don’t go it alone. True success is done with other people. you learn from others. It takes a village to build an empire, it takes a lot of input, a lot of sharing. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."

5. Opening up and showing vulnerabilities to people whom I trust

This is something I've been working hard on, although I still find it extremely difficult to open up to people, this year I have started opening up to my family members and I think this should be considered as an accomplishment?? Baby steps right HAHA. Anyways, I think opening up is very challenging because I know everybody has their problems and everybody is trying very hard to overcome their problems. Hence, I prefer to keep them to myself instead of being a burden to other people. I know many of you who are reading this probably felt the same way, you rather bottle up your feelings than to share with others. I want to reassure you that people who truly care about you'll not think of you as a burden. By opening up to them, you're doing them a favour. They'd rather you open up authentically, sharing about how you're doing honestly instead of covering up trying to show that you have it all put together. I was told that by bottling my emotions and thoughts behind my smiley face, they were more worried.

All emotions are valid. All problems are valid, no matter how insignificant you think they are. Everybody has different level of pain tolerances, everybody has different EQ levels. People who care about you will acknowledge and honour your feelings, they truly want to know the ups and downs you're going through. Don't deny yourself the chance to feel angry or sad because you think your problem isn't as legitimate as someone else's. Don't push aside your feelings because this rigid denial will not work. The more you push aside and ignore your feelings, the stronger your feelings get and the greater its hold on you. It may look like you're controlling these emotions, but in fact, they're controlling you. The internal pain will always come out, they might even be affecting your daily lives without your realisation. One day you might fall back into dark pits where vampires reign supreme. If you continue to bottle up your emotions, one day these emotions may wreak havoc on the system. Open up your heart and feel the emotions. Embrace your emotions, they're the cornerstone to resilience, thriving and true authentic happiness. By opening up and showing your emotions, you're also welcoming the opportunity for deeper human connection which ultimately is one of the most meaningful things that we can have in life. I'm grateful for people who have invited me to show up authentically, people who check up on me regularly, thank you. I'm trying my best and I'm still learning. (If you still struggle to talk about your problems, try journaling. Journaling has helped me tremendously in controlling my emotions and getting things out of my chest)

"To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength." – Criss Jami

6. Don’t rush yourself. It's not a race. Everybody’s success looks different

I know I’ve said this a lot, but this is something I have to remind myself constantly. It's hard to not feel inadequate when other peers are excelling in life and hitting milestones. This usually triggers negative self-talk and very harsh self-criticism and I'll start forming a list of all the things that I should be doing in the back of my head. I'll feel like I haven't done enough, so I will put a lot of tasks on my plate and overwhelm myself even more. When we put too much on our plates, we deplete ourselves. We deplete the sense of happiness, wellness, fulfilment and hit burn out state. So, every time I start to feel inadequate, I will think about what success means to me. This reminds me that I'm on a race with myself and nobody else. Success is different for everybody. Some people think success is being busy, occupied with work, while others think success is living a slow-paced life. Some people think success is working in a well known corporate, while others think success is owning your own company. Some people think success is being able to afford branded goods and live a luxurious life, while others think success is earning enough money, being content and doing what they're passionate about. The notion of success is so relative that you can't judge your version of success to another person version of success. We all want different things. Remember your definition of success shouldn't be influenced by other people's opinions. People around you will always say something and although the majority of those comments and feedback are out of good intention, you still have to take it with a grain of salt and filter those words.

Don't rush into achieving success. Success happens at different times for different people. Some people are successful at the age of 25, some people are successful at the age of 50. Don’t feel pressured to achieve success by age but rather live the moment. When you finally feel fulfilled and became successful, you'll thank the past. You'll feel proud of yourself, amazed by your inner strength and captivated by how you were able to push through it.

Life is like a hike. There are different pathways to reach the mountain. Sometimes, you hike up; sometimes you hike down. When a tracking trail is blocked, you have to pivot and find another path. What might look like a safe tracking trail to you might look very dangerous to others. It's like how success looks different to everybody. -BOKCHOY

Happy New Year Everybody! Thanks for your time. Sending best wishes to y'all :)