Don't Try to Justify Yourself-S I L E N C E

“Saying nothing sometimes says the most.” – Emily Dickinson

How many times have you rushed into defending yourself when you hear someone saying something about you that is not only invalid but ridiculous? Do you just blurt out all your feelings and thoughts at that moment to justify yourself? Everybody has an opinion, and everybody judges, I do it myself too. We judge other people and we judge ourselves. Even if some people don’t express their judgements, that doesn’t mean their brain isn’t analyzing and forming an opinion. Judgements are inevitable, but you can control how you respond to judgements and rumours. We are responsible for everything in our lives, despite the external circumstances. It is human nature to want to defend yourself especially when the comments you receive are intolerant and has some sort of association to certain important events in your life. It’s reasonable to want people to understand where you’re coming from. However, remember that remaining silent at times like this isn’t a sign of weakness but rather a sign of maturity and politeness. Being able to stay calm and peaceful is a reflection of your personality and behaviour.

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth” – Marcus Aurelius

At some point in our lives, we’ve heard absurd rumours about ourselves and we’ve been affected by something someone else said about us. Don’t feel like you are being victimized. We will always find people who have something to say about our decisions, our actions and our lives simply because it doesn’t fit into the way they see the world; it doesn’t make sense to them. Often, their judgements are a reflection of their hidden insecurities and fears. Some people make themselves feel better by belittling others. Don’t let other people’s judgements and opinions about you distract you from heading to your destination. Some people just want to destroy your road because they want to be more superior and more successful than you. I know these false perceptions about you will hurt you and make you feel powerless, they will also trigger some self-doubt/ self-criticisms, but don’t try to provide a rationale for those distorted and fabricated opinions. You don’t owe anybody any explanation especially to people who don’t earn it. You know the truth, and so do your true friends and people who you’re close to.

Don’t let other people’s judgements cloud your perception of yourself, don’t let other people’s judgements change the way you’re doing things and your own opinions. They are not your priority; YOU are your priority. Don’t change to eliminate the chance of being judged by others, focus on what matters for your growth, success and happiness. There’s a reason you’re doing things the way you are. Don’t have to justify yourself because they don’t know what you’ve gone through that changed you or made you who you are today. Have the courage to stay true to yourself in the face of being judged, criticized and questioned. You are the painter of your life, so get a few tools and start painting the blank pages like Pablo Picasso.

Sometimes when u try to justify/defend yourself, it will make you wonder if you’ve over-explained or over-complicated things. Ask yourself this: would they appreciate your explanation? Will your explanation change their perception? Will they judge you even more because they think that you’re trying to make yourself feel better? You see, ultimately there’s no guarantee that your justification can solve the misunderstanding and/or change their negative perception about you. So instead of trying to justify yourself, why not just keep quiet and let them think whatever they want as long as you know who you are, and you know the truth. Remember, not everybody knows your story and not everybody deserves to know your story. Your life journey is a special thing that you only share with your loved ones, with people who you can trust and count on.

If you’re able to ignore those criticisms and negative judgements about you, congratulations! People who can remain silent when everybody else is pointing their fingers on you are people who understand themselves better. They know their strength, their passion, their character and their story. Hence, they don’t feel obligated to defend themselves, they have reached a stage of inner peace. They’ve set foot on a higher maturity level because they are able to let hurtful words evaporate without feeling the need to defend themselves, knowing that they are not a reflection of what you said. They’ve arrived at a higher level of emotional stability because the impact of other people’s judgements and impressions are becoming less and less relevant.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the world accepts him or her” - Lao Tzu