Lessons learned from solo travel #2

2. I learned to prioritise people who are important in my life

As much as I love being alone, I know that people matter, especially people who contribute and play a part in my life, people who have been through ups and downs with me. We need people to support us when we get kicked down, we need people to reassure us when we are in doubt of ourselves, we need people who respect us for who we are today, even if we are no longer the same person as we used to be. I believe that people we met are meant to cross our path for a reason, whether it is as short as a few minutes or as long as a few decades. Some people come into our lives as blessings; some people come into our lives as lessons.

To identify who is important in our lives, we would have to first acknowledge that it is impossible to please everybody. Everybody has different opinions and views, the way people think about you is very subjective. No matter how skilful you are at hiding your true colours and wearing a mask to gain people's approval, it is simply unattainable for everybody to like you. Some people will be jealous of your blessings; some people will feel threatened by your success; some people will not like you for no reason at all. So, don't try to please everybody; don't sacrifice who you truly are.

Solo travel has helped me to reflect and think about the people who have shaped me into the person I am today. People who truly matter in your life won't point their fingers at you when you are going through a dark time, they will stand on the same battleground with you supporting you in every possible way. They will be honest with you and identify your wrongs in a mindful manner as well as offer you constructive criticisms. They will accept your flaws and respect your decisions. They wouldn't get mad or think that the friendship is in danger just because you don't reply to them instantly or don't hang out with them. Proximity isn't a measure of how strong a friendship is. Just because you haven't spoken to a person for a few months doesn't mean your friendship is in danger. They understand that you need some alone time to unwind, detox and get your life together.

How many best friends have you had? Are they still the same best friends you have now? Do you still keep in touch with your primary school best friends? If yes, cherish it and don't let it go because it is indeed very precious! Different people enter and leave your life at a different phase. What or who was once important to you may not be important to you anymore and there's nothing wrong about that. Your feelings and point of view evolve constantly. Don't be afraid to let go. Just like clothes, only keep those that fit the shape and size of your body. Why let those clothes you no longer wear occupy the extra space when it can be filled with better and more fitting clothes?

Hold on, but how do you know who to prioritise in your life, you ask?

Here are a few questions that I ask myself to help me identify who truly matters in my life.

1. How much have they contributed to my growth? Do they know me on a deeper level?

2. On a scale of 1-10, how comfortable am I with that person?

3. Do my family members know about them? How often do my family members talk about them?

4. Am I ok with sharing some of the things that I'm very particular about with that person? (I'm very selfish when it comes to my bed that I don't even let my dad sit on it. It's a very big deal to me okay, IT'S MINE.)

5. Has that person seen the worst side of me when I get angry or annoyed? (Thank you for putting up with my shitty attitude, I don't understand how you guys do it, you guys are the real MVPs)

6. To what extent do I care about them? Do I call or text them out of the blue? Do I put an effort into surprising them?

Sometimes in life, you just can't accommodate and make time for everybody because there's only as much space, only as much time and only as much energy you have. Let's consider eating as an example. You walk into a cafe or restaurant and there are so many choices available. You just wish you have the capacity to try everything you desire, but unfortunately, you don't, hence you need to pick the one that appeals to you the most. Catering for everybody is both physically and mentally draining, just like how you'll feel sick from eating too much until eating is no longer considered a pleasure but simply a numbing experience where you wolf down your food. If you take the time to identify who matters in your life, you're more likely to make room in your life to spend time with them and to care about them. Remember, having too much is not good! Just like too many vitamins can hurt you.

Time is precious—we need to use this time wisely to build meaningful, long term relationships with those that matter most.